being a working out of the house mama

I recently had an expectant friend ask me about what it is like to work full time and be a mom, as she is deliberating her options of work and soon-to-be motherhood.  I had a hard time answering her on the spot and articulating my thoughts, let alone turning anything into advice worth listening to. So, over the past several weeks, I thought hard about working full time as a mom and, in a cathartic way, have compiled a bit of advice that I follow to maybe make the expectations manageable and balance easier. And I want to stress that I think being a mom, whether working or staying at home requires an impossible amount of love, hard work, and organization. And one of my sisters is days away from returning to work after her beautiful son was born, and I also was thinking of her and any thoughts I’d have to offer her.

1. Make time with your child a priority during the evening hours.

One of the first steps I took to finding any type of balance in my work and home life was to make evening time with Beatrice an absolute priority. When I leave work at the end of the day, I leave work mentally. Once I’m home, I make no plans or huge ambitions other than to be with Beatrice. I try not to plan many activities, or more importantly, expect a lot of tasks to get done during that time, even if that means dust bunnies hang out longer than they should.  That is time to spend intentionally with her.  Some days we go for a walk or run, sometimes it’s prepping dinner, or other days we just hang out and play.  I want her to know that I value that time with her and want to spend time learning about what she learned that day, helping her develop new skills, and just enjoying her.

2. Have something for yourself- make it a priority.

I definitely struggle to find time make time to do something just for me, as many of us do. There are 101 other tasks to do before I spend time doing something fun for me, but when I don’t get time for myself, I have a hard time feeling like I have anything to offer the world, especially my family. When I'm an empty cup, what kind of mom does that make me?  Whether it’s working out, reading, doing something crafty, spending time with friends, do it. Make time for yourself, even if it happens only once a week and the only opportunity to be alone is at 5:00 am when the house is quiet and the coffee is fresh.

3. Sleep.

We’ve all read about the importance of getting sleep, so this is a no-brainer. Every single day is go-go-go from 5:30 am to about 10 or 11 pm. If I don’t sleep at least 6-7 hours a night, I turn into an angry bear. I am not willing to be a bear on a daily basis- it's not fair to my family- so I choose to sleep. Sometimes this looks like a good 8-9 hour night of sleep one night, and a shorter night of sleep another night to do some other things (see #2).

4. Be flexible, willing to compromise some expectations you may have had for yourself.

I had grand ambitions before I had Beatrice of making all of her food and using cloth diapers exclusively.  But as I went back to work and started to juggle it all, I felt unable to keep up and had to compromise. I beat myself up (see #5), feeling like I wasn't doing enough (see #6).  It helps to just recognize I can’t do it all, and go easy on myself for this, even if it means giving up on some expectations I may have had before going back to work.  Be realistic and stick to what is most important to you and what works for your family.

5. Talk to yourself as you would a good friend.

Cue Chris Farley in SNL’s skit when he interviews Paul McCartney, “Idiot”!  I heard a podcast recently on the ramifications of negative self- talk. Without sounding like a self-help book here, let me just say the advice given to combat negative self-talk is to speak to yourself as you would a very good friend.  I would never tell one of my sisters that because they didn't have time to workout, they are disgusting and lazy, so why in the world would I say that to myself?

6. Reassure yourself the grass may not be greener on the other side.

Lastly, I must say that almost every day I wish I could stay home with Beatrice.  Almost every day I feel a bit jealous of stay at home moms. But I need to remind myself that being a nurse is a big part of who I am. I get to be with people all day and continue to practice my nursing skills.  I am challenged intellectually.  The job gives me routine each day and helps shape who I am, so I can’t help but recognize I may be a different person if I were home every day.  To help me get in the car and drive to work every day, I remind myself that Beatrice is in a great situation with her caretaker and the other kids she watches. She is experiencing a lot of great things that I probably wouldn’t expose her to if I were home.  And she wouldn’t have the socialization that she has now.  I had a good friend remind me of that the day I started back to work and it is advice that has helped me EVERY day since.

I also want to recognize my husband in this parenting adventure we are on. He is incredibly hands-on and supportive of me as a working mom, from driving Beatrice to and from "school", to making dinner most evenings while I bathe and put Bea to bed.  I couldn't do this life or role without him, and want to recognize and thank him for that. 

Well, I know this has nothing to do with living or buying secondhand and being resourceful, but writing this has been really helpful to me these past few weeks and maybe can help someone else. 

Happy November!

the one with the onesies

My sisters and mom threw a great baby shower over the holidays in honor of the baby. I've actually been honored and very blessed to have three baby showers with various groups of people that mean so much to me! Each one was special and perfect in their own way and I couldn't feel more supported going into this parenthood thing.

In honor of this project that I call the blog, the hosts of this particular shower decided to have some craft time, making something for the baby. It was AWESOME! Various sizes of the much-needed (so I've heard) white onesies were spread across the kitchen table along with stencils, paints, and iron on patches. It will be so fun to see the baby wearing clothes hand-painted by some of my favorite people!

^one of my faves created by my 8-year-old niece^

^my sister, Jennie, and friend, Amanda^

^my cousin's baby, Molly, thought it was pretty cool^

Can't wait to see the baby sporting all these cool onesies!

Thanks!

4 weeks and counting

Hello all!

It has been such a long time since I've spent any time working on the blog. But while I've not been writing, life has been filled with many changes and times requiring much gumptious living!  We've gone from living in the basement apartment at my husband's parents' house, to remodeling (still!) a house with our bare hands, while growing a child, and preparing for life as parents.  It's been busy to say the least.

As the days are speeding past at neck-jarring speeds, I am finding myself  about 4 weeks away from holding my child in my arms, knowing if it's a son or a daughter, and probably learning how to keep a little one alive in a "baby-horse-standing-up-for-the-first-time" kind of way.  I can't wait and yet I'm terrified all at once. I'm sure (hoping) that these are normal feelings to be having at this point in the pregnancy.

Well, tonight I'd like to share some of my favorite moments of creativity or gumption over the past few months during this time of craziness.  I will of course make the blanket statement that the house has been one of my favorite transformations/projects that I have poured my energy into and there will be many pictures to come, I just need to sort through them.  But here are some of the other, smaller ways that some gumption has been in my life.

1. homemade forks.

Our first meal in the house was take out from a local Italian restaurant. After I was sure to ask for utensils, they of course did not come with our meals. So, Seth decided to create our own homemade utensils so we could eat our salads.

2. The hardwood floors!! 

Huck and Brody agree that they like the hardwoods better now that they are sanded and restained. We spent a long weekend sanding and sanding and sanding. These pictures don't do the floors total justice, but I promise, they make the entire upstairs floor of our house lovely (especially with Huck's fur pile for a rug).

3. the griddle

We have lived here about 4 months using a griddle and microwave- no stove, no oven, and no counter tops until recently.... This has forced some great creativity in the "kitchen" and truthfully I've surprised myself with some decent meals. anyway, this little kitchen device called a griddle has sparked some great culinary creativity for a very necessary part of life. 

4. rocking chair

call me old fashioned, but I love hand-me-downs and family heirlooms. We adopted this sweet little number from my grandmother's house and it is wonderful! I love that classic creaking sound it makes while rocking.  As we have unpacked our boxes of our belongings that we haven't seen in over a year, I am so thankful for the generous and amazing hand-me-downs that have been gifted to us over the years. Not only am I nostalgic, but it totally supports what I believe in and why I write this blog!

5. library for the baby

Lastly, I am in complete nesting phase. Even though we don't have a working washer and dryer, we don't have a stove, no pictures on the walls, no photographs in frames sitting around reflecting our lives, I am nesting in that little room that we call the baby's. It is painted. It has a few pieces of furniture. My mother and father-in-law got us an amazing gliding rocking chair in the corner.  As I sit in that chair and look around and picture being a mama, I look at the shelf on the opposite wall with a small row of books stacked up neatly against one another. They are collected from our childhoods, and a handful have been given by friends and family over the past few months.  I can't wait to read to this little one. This is one of my favorite parts of the baby's room. 

Hope you are all having a great week. 

thanks for stopping by!

a recent tale of repurposing

For those of you who may not know this, Seth and I have 8 nieces and nephews (and one more on the way in June).  Being an aunt is one of my favorite things in the world.  It's pretty remarkable to see your siblings make new people and see them parent these little people.  And as an aunt I get to spoil them and join in on watching them grow up.

Seth and I haven't made any hard and fast rules about this, but our Christmas gifts to these 8 kids are pretty minimal, for budgetary reasons.  The holidays always seem to stretch wallets thin and in years past, we often pick up something small at Dollar General or the dollar bins at Target for the kids.  This year was a little different.

We packed up our NC house in mid-December, and while going through the classic "junk drawer" in the kitchen, I came across FIVE old cell phones- Seth's brother, who has four of the eight, told me to keep those for the kids.  Great idea- just in time for Christmas! So, I brought them back up north, wrapped them in newspaper, and put them under the tree for the kids.

Admittedly, I wasn't sure on the response of these gifts, BUT, come time to open the gifts, 3 of the 5 phones still turned on!! The kids were able to take pictures and look through pictures of my dogs that were left on the phone.  

 

Obviously the batteries won't last long and those phones will still need to be disposed of, but at least they made fun gifts and were able to be something that we could give that wasn't creating more waste.

  (Don't worry, the youngest 3 got something special too!)

**have a wonderful start to your week**

she's 60!

A few weeks ago my mom had a big birthday, 60!! For such a momentous birthday for our mom, my sisters and I decided to take her to Baltimore, MD for a weekend out. We stayed at a hotel in Inner Harbor and enjoyed a weekend of eating fresh seafood, shopping, and enjoying each others company with great conversation and loads of laughs.

It is weekends like this that refresh my soul and recharge my batteries.

These women remind me exactly who I am and exactly who I want to become all at the same time. 

Some highlights:

 ^federal hill^

#thankful for family

#Happy Birthday Mom

#had a great weekend

#thanks meryl for the pictures

#wink

how do huck and brody like southwestern PA?

After about 7 weeks here, we are learning to love our surroundings. I couldn't be more blessed with a gorgeous drive to work through the mountains, we live about 45 minutes from Ohiopyle, the great town of kayaking, yoga, and friends, and we have endless hiking trails around the give us and the boys some good exercise! It's a wonderful place for our little foursome.

Here's a little taste of what the boys have been feeling about living here.

 

^huck is a blur of excitement^

^can we go out again?^

Aaaaand one of the best days of their life....they got to celebrate their friend, Bruiser's, birthday! 

Not only did they look so cute in hats, they got a cake (homemade for pups) too!

 

^i love this^

(Thanks Mandy and Sherpa for hosting and thanks Colleen O'Neil for the pictures of the party!)

*be well- thanks for stopping by*

being outside with my husband

This past weekend Seth and I celebrated SIX years being married and NINE years together.  Because the world of nursing never ends and I had to work 12 hours on our actual anniversary, we celebrated with hot wings and ice cream when I got home to celebrate (yum!).

However, being a romantic fella, Seth also planned a trip backpacking on the Laurel Highlands hiking trail, a local gem to this area.  The trail is approximately 75 miles long along the Laurel Highlands mountain range. Every few miles there are shelters and water stops to accommodate those who wish to stay overnight on the trail.  We did just that! We packed up our backpacks on Monday morning and headed out in the most gorgeous weather imaginable for early October! We hiked about 7 miles in, camped, and hiked 7 miles out.  No bears, although I was ALWAYS looking (bears are one thing that I'd LOVE and HATE to see at the same time).

We had a great time! Not only did we turn our phones off and just enjoy talking and being friends, but we also tried to relish the joy and complete oddity and beauty of the natural world.  It was breathtaking.  There is so much inspiration that God has created in this world and I couldn't be more blessed to have enjoyed it this week and celebrate a marriage to my best friend.

 ^not sure what happened to the camera here, 

but this is the only shot we had of the 2 of us^

**hope you are enjoying this fall weather**

getting to know our surroundings

I can't tell you how many times this week, when I first wake up, before my eyes open, that I have to remind myself of my surroundings. I'm not in my usual bed in North Carolina, not in my usual routine of life, and I won't be able to text so-and-so to get together this coming weekend, unless I want to drive seven hours. But, despite my pre-move expectations of feeling anxious, disoriented, and emotional at this point, it feels right. Something about waking up in PA, in a familiar house, into a new life that we know we are investing in for the long-haul is nice. And of course after only one week, it's all new and fresh and exciting, like an extended vacation, but I'm sure we'll have our moments of stress, emotions, and anxiety. But until then, I'll just try to enjoy the ride.

With that said, one of the greatest things we have done this week, is continue to maintain the same habits that we have always had.  Life, while completely turned upside-down, is still the same.  There is a comfort in habits and a steadiness that it gives in times of change and unrest.

One of the usual activities we've created as a little family is going for hikes.  In NC, we lived a mile from a park with great single-track trails, and it was so easy and convenient.  These hikes give the dogs time to get their energy out and discover the world, and Seth and I have a time and space for great conversations.

So we headed out today for a hike and it was just lovely and made me feel like life is just right and I'm home.

**keep doing those things that you love- things that inspire you 

and things that make you know you are just where you are meant to be**

the aftermath

This past two weeks has been a bit of a whirlwind.  My grandma passed away unexpectedly two weeks ago (more on that later), which took us home to Lancaster for much needed time with family.  Then, we came home for two days of work and left again for Pennsylvania for a planned camping weekend, that actually lasted a few extra days for Project X (a term I will use to describe something that will be discussed in greater detail in the future).

Finally, we arrived back home yesterday and I have been trying to recover my sanity and keep my head above water.  And in spite of my feeble attempts to balance recent life, when I look back over the pictures and highlights of the past few weeks, they bring me such joy for the time out of routine and time with those that I love.  I feel so grateful for my family, friends, and great weekends.  

Here are the highlights, according to my iPhone:

 

 

 

 

 

**these pictures include time with my family, a weekend in Ohiopyle at a great beer festival, and a necessary and wonderful gals' date at a great wine bar in Winston, Silo**

**have a good week- more crafting to come**